Sometimes it all just gets a little bit too much. Everyone gets overwhelmed- at work, in their relationships, with life in general. I think at times we forget that we’re human, and that humans, burn out!
I for one know how easy it is to neglect your health at times, especially if your focus and energy is directed elsewhere. It’s good to have goals, set targets and care for others…but you have to designate a respectable amount of energy towards looking after yourself first. Failing to do so is not admirable, it’s not noble; it’s quite frankly a little stupid. It’s no cliché to say that you can’t be good to anyone else if you’re not first good to yourself.
It’s hard to find that balance. And when you find it, there’s no guarantee you’ll be able to maintain it. As your life and the world around you changes, sometimes you get swept away and left behind.
I felt this first hand just a few months ago. When I woke up on the morning of Monday November 14th, I felt the luckiest girl alive. I was truly for the first time in my life. I was in a committed relationship with the love of my life. I was fit, healthy and managing my battles with food extremely well. I was proud of the things I’d achieved in the months prior and the positive differences I was making in the lives of others and my future had never seemed so clear or so bright.
That morning I rolled over to the sight of my beautiful boyfriend sleeping peacefully, finalised some Christmas and anniversary presents for him and the rest of my family, put my face on, got dressed and set off for work with a smile on my face and a sense of excitement for the week ahead.
Just over an hour later and my boyfriend awoke and we were chatting away the same way we had for 5 glorious months. It seemed to be a day like any other…
…but that could not be further from the truth…
One minute everything seemed a-okay, the next, everything seemed to be crumbling down around me. With one message I felt the air being ripped from my lungs and my heart being torn out of my chest. I remember the feeling of my stomach dropping like a boulder. I’d never felt so much pain in my entire life. That day to me was like stepping off a cliff, and since then I’ve just been falling, further and further down, hitting every stone hard along the way. What’s affected me most is how unexpected the situation was; like a tsunami in the Sahara I never, ever, saw it coming.
But that’s life isn’t it? Life isn’t fair and it throws you curve balls when you least expect it; sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. And that’s what I lost sight of. I became complacent. Sure I was always looking to the future but I began to take the future for granted which, as someone who almost lost their life and their future to anorexia and depression, is a state of mind I should never have let myself take on. After all, you never know when your last day is going to be. This week I found out that an old acting tutor of mine died from cancer. I didn’t even know he was sick. He was always such a force of nature. Unfortunately, Mother Nature isn’t always fair and this amazing gentleman lost his life too early.
It made me think though; life…is too fucking short.
I’ve spent the last 4 months trapped in the depths of my depression. Although I describe myself as an introvert, I have always managed to maintain some form of social life, even if very low level. However, this relapse has rendered me lifeless. The amount of people I have seen or the amount of things I have gotten myself involved in is next to none. I feel like I’ve wasted the last 15 weeks of my life and, although my feeling this way is completely validated…I can’t help but feel it’s also a little bit pitiful. While at times it seems that the world is devoid of anything worth living for, life is actually far too precious to let it pass you by. The fact of the matter remains that we’re here one moment, then gone the next. Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, you still only get to live this life once- don’t waste it! You are never, ever, going to experience this day, this minute, this moment ever again!
If you feel like your life is mediocre, then there’s a 99% chance…that it’s not. There’s a 99% chance that it’s actually very special, even if not obviously so. We’re all guilty of becoming a little blind sighted and under appreciating what we have. But let me tell you something; you don’t know what you have until you have it no more. There is an enormous amount of pain and suffering in life; not just in such places as Syria and North Korea, but in places far closer to home. Depression, poverty, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, eating disorders, unemployment, terminal illness…these are things that are happening all around us and that’s not a pleasant thought. However, these dark truths should highlight the importance of life’s simple treasures. If we spent all our time wrapped up in worry, doubt and other negative emotions, we’d never appreciate the miraculous gift of life we’ve been given. I mean, if you really stop and think about the probability of life and your own existence…it’s damn near impossible- 1 in 102,685,000 to be slightly more accurate, which just goes to show, you’re a goddamn miracle! Life expectancy in the UK is about 81; that’s 972 months, 4223.5 weeks, 29565 days…life may be short but if you make every second count then you have the opportunity to do something incredible with it and possibly even help change the world; everyone has the ability to do so, so do something with it!
Nothing in life is certain. You can lose anything, anytime; love, life and money to name just a few…so really make the most of what you have while you have it because, when you lose it, you might never get it back…
Courage;
Alice xxx