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ABC of Asexuality

A…is for asexuality which is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone and absence of, or low desire to engage in sexual activity.

A…is also for aromantic which refers to those who do not experience romantic attraction. However, despite what people think, the two sides of the spectrum are not directly related and our can experience one without the other.


A…is for ace which is the nickname adopted for asexuals by the LGBTQ community.

And yes I’m realising that this alphabet for asexuality is becoming more of an aaaaaaaalphabet so I think it’s about time I moved on.

B…is for biromantic which is when a person experiences romantic attraction towards both males and females but doesn’t experience sexual attraction towards either gender.

C…is for celibacy which is entirely different from asexuality as celibacy is a choice, and asexuality is not.

D…is for demisexual which refers to a person who only experiences sexual attraction once they have formed a strong emotional connection with someone and therefore are often seen as “half way between” sexual and asexual.

E…is for education, or rather, lack of it. Sexual education in schools desperately needs to be improved. It’s all good and well knowing how to put a condom on a cucumber…but what about those of us who aren’t particularly fond of cucumbers…if ya know what I mean.

F…is for fluid because sexuality is not set in stone. If you identify as asexual but you find yourself wanting to engage in sexual relations with your loving partner then you should in no way feel ashamed to do so.

G…is for grey ace which refers to someone who definitely feels some lack of sexual attraction and desire but not necessarily to the extent that they would identify as asexual.

H…is for hetro and homo romantic which has the same romantic connotations as hetro and homo sexual but without the…sexual part…

I…is for inclusion. As an asexual myself I have often felt isolated from everyday society due to a lack of awareness and understanding of asexuality. However I have also felt similar isolation from the LQBTQ community due to asexuality not necessarily representing the principles of gay pride. Now I’m not saying that either community is isolating out of prejudice, I’m simply saying that, from experience, that isolation is there.

J…is for David Jay who is the founder and webmaster of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, otherwise known as AVEN which is the world’s largest online asexual community and archive of resources on asexuality

K…is for Alfred Kinsey who created something called the Kinsey scale; a way of pinpointing a persons sexuality in a scale ranging from 0 to 6- 0 being exclusively hetrosexual and 6 being exclusively homosexual. In doing this he was also one of the first people to document the idea of asexuality as his research showed that there were some people who simply did not relate to either orientation.

L…is for love because guess what, despite what people think, it is possible to fall in love with someone without experiencing any sexual attraction or desire whatsoever and it is possible to have a fun relationship without the engagement of either party’s genitalia.

M…is for masturbation because, believe it or not, some asexuals masturbate and there are varying reasons why they do so. Commonly it’s because fundamentally our human bodies function the same way even if our personalities and sexual preferences differ (On a side note can I just say I hate the phrase sexual preference because a preference is a choice and sexuality is not a choice…just putting that out there…)

N…is for TOTALLY NORMAL!!! I have spent the last 3 nearly 4 years fully believing there is something wrong with me simply because I identify as asexual. Now while it’s estimated that only 1% of the population is considered to be asexual, and normality usually refers to the mass of something, that does not make asexuality any less valid than any other sexuality.

O…is for open minded. A lot of people are very narrow minded when it comes to sexuality and consider all labels to be very black and white. As I’ve said before, sexuality is fluid. I’ve had many people tell me that I am ‘the worst asexual on the planet’ or that ‘I can’t possibly be asexual anymore’ simply because I have had sex and enjoyed it. What they fail to understand is that, although I have had sex, I still have never experienced sexual attraction and that any activities I engage in are purely based off an overwhelming sense of emotion.

P…is for panromantic which is the romantic attraction to all but the sexual attraction to none.

Q…is for queerplatonic which refers to a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection beyond what most people consider friendship.

R…is for respect…treat us with it! I am fed up of my sexuality being mocked or belittled by people who are simply too lazy or belligerent to educate themselves on the matter. We do not need someone to “show us a good time”…we need people to show us some respect!

S…is for sex. Now I am referring to both the absence and the existence of sex in a relationship and how this differs from person to person. Asexuals may be be comfortable with any number of sexual acts ranging from kissing all the way up to penetration so before you shut down all possibility of a relationship with an asexual, perhaps try taking the time to get to know them first?

T…is for touch aversed. Some asexuals are actually sex repulsed meaning they have a very strong aversion to being touched and/or touching other people. This does not mean they are judgemental of those who do find pleasure in sexual activity, simply that they do not want to engage in it themselves as they find the act extremely unappealing.

U…is for unacknowledged because while there are some people who are fully aware of and understand what it means to be asexual, they still refuse to acknowledge it as a real sexuality.

V…is for virgin which is what a lot of asexuals are and may be for most if not all of their lives. However, some asexuals aren’t virgins and this does not give you the right to call them a) a fraud or b) a hoe. It does, however, give them the right to call you a creep for taking such an active interest in their sex life.

W…is for who you are. You can spend your life wishing you were ‘normal’ but at the end of the day, you were born this way. Take it from me, you cannot force yourself to feel sexual attraction. You may not have chosen to be asexual, but it’s who you are and how do you expect other people to accept that if you can’t even accept yourself.,,

X…is for group X which is the original label that Alfred Kinsey gave to all those who did not report to experience any sexual attraction or desire towards another, aka, asexuals!

Y…is for yourself. In the end, the only opinion of yourself that truly counts is your own. You cannot please everyone and you shouldn’t have to. As long as you try to be the best possible version of yourself, it doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight, trans, ace, pan or otherwise!

Z…is for zero fucks given! While the majority of people in my life have been extremely supportive of my asexuality, I’ve had people commenting some pretty nasty shit like I’m a pathetic, prudish, ugly, attention-seeking whore with a hormone deficiency. Well let me tell you something…I don’t give a wet monkey’s ass what you think; because every minute that you spend bashing me and my sexuality…is another minute that you are not getting laid! Congratulations! XD



Alice xxx

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