Erasing photos after a break up; what’s the point?!

Why I don’t believe in taking down pictures from social media after a break up…

Maybe it’s because I have an obsession with taking photos to record memories, maybe it’s because I believe remembering my past makes me stronger when looking to the future…I don’t know why but, for several reasons, I personally believe that you should not remove photos with your ex partner from your social media after the relationship has ended…

If a was abusive or dangerously unhealthy then, yes, I agree in removing the toxic memories from public display. But more often than not, even if a break up was messy, the relationship wasn’t…

Here are my reasons why you should keep your relationship photos visible:

1) YOU’D BE LOSING A WHOLE CHUNK OF YOUR LIFE…….. A lot of photos usually equates to a lot of time spent with your ex. In a relationship it’s inevitable that they become part of your daily routine and, therefore, a HUGE chunk of your life. I personally believe you should appreciate and remember both the good and the bad experiences you’ve had in your life because, no matter how much they hurt you, those experiences made you the person you are today. I’ve battled various mental illnesses my entire life. If tomorrow I woke up and I was miraculously cured, would I just erase the first 19 years of my life because they were ‘painful memories’? No. Absolutely not because, without them, I would not have an ounce of the wisdom and compassion that I do today.

2) MORE HARM DONE THAN GOOD BY PRETENDING……… I love my ex. They are a wonderful person who cared and I believe still does care for me. Although he’s troubled and makes a lot of cruel mistakes, he is still the most precious person ever to walk into my life. He was the first man ever to show me real love, ever to accept me the way I am, ever to make me feel visible…I can’t go pretending like he is the single most horrible human being on the planet because what would that achieve? Nothing. There’s more harm done when pretending they weren’t ever a part of my life because for the first time in my life…I genuinely felt happy! If I could relive the 5 months we had over and over again- I would! It’s common for people to talk down the connection they had with their partner in the relationship after they breakup because if you convince yourself it wasn’t half as good as you thought it to be at the time, then it’s easier to force yourself to get over it…I don’t believe that this is true and I just find it really heartbreaking that people would rather throw away good memories than admit they’ve lost something that meant a lot to them…

3) JUST CHANGE YOUR CURRENT DISPLAY PHOTOS……..My ex recently deleted the photos we had off of his profile. Now while I understand the reason he did so was because they were too painful to look at, I can’t help thinking…….just don’t look at them! At least not until you’re ready! I understand that if you breakup with someone it hurts to look through pictures of happy memories you have together. I do it all the time and it does nothing but make me cry into my phone screen. However, it is your choice to look through those photos and, if you don’t want the pain, simply change your profile picture and cover photos to ones that aren’t of the two of you…simple as that! You were proud enough to put them as your display pictures in the first place, there’s no point deleting them just because a breakup occurs. Yes, a breakup often means moving on to the next chapter of your life on your own, so update that chapter by putting a kick ass profile picture of yourself up NOT by erasing any evidence that you were ever in a relationship to begin with…

4) FACEBOOK IS A TIMELINE OF YOUR LIFE……..In this day and age, Facebook is something you can have from childhood, right through to old age. I’ve had Facebook for over 6 years and, in that time, I’ve made friends, lost friends, fallen victim to anorexia and depression, battled through my anorexia and depression, had successes, had failures, had 2 very different relationships and 2 very different breakups. So I’ve experienced the good and the bad, as many others have. Now as I mentioned I believe in appreciating he hard times just as much as the good times. There is a reason social media is so damaging and that’s because people use it as a ‘perfect scrapbook’; people refuse to express the sadness in their life. I understand why- it’s a hard thing to do to show that level of vulnerability…but everyone suffers and everyone needs support. Think of it this way, when you’re 80 and looking back on all that you’ve achieved in your life, what are you going to be more proud of? An easy happy life? Or one with hardships that you were strong enough to overcome? You only get one life, don’t pick and choose which parts of it you remember.

5) THEY REPRESENT A TIME OF REAL HAPPINESS…….I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I haven’t deleted any of our pictures together for one main reason…they’re a significant part of my past, and they represent a time when I was happy for the first time in my life! Just because I’m hurting now doesn’t mean I wasn’t incredibly happy when those moments were being captured. I personally would go as far as to say that deleting pictures after a breakup is rather childish. People have relationships, people breakup. Why be ashamed of a time when you were undeniably happy?! Obviously there are exceptions; I’ve had an abusive relationship and, if I had any photos of us to delete, I probably would seriously consider deleting them. However, in most cases, even if a breakup is hard, the memories that remain are still precious and the only reason they turn sour is if you shut them out of your mind in that way.

6) WHO GIVES A F*** WHAT PEOPLE THINK……Unfortunately, there is so much expectation these days to present your life in a certain way on social media. Yes there is a risk when putting your life on public display in that, if something does go wrong, you’re in the firing line for questions and opinions from 600+ ‘friends’ who you may or may not like… However, who really gives a monkey’s ass what people think?! It’s your life. No one else’s opinion really matters! As for future partners wondering if you’re over your ex…I don’t think that would be a concern as long as you aren’t talking about him/posting new pics of you guys together. When you get into a new relationship, if you trust your partner then it shouldn’t matter whether they have old photos in the archives. Remember: no one expects you to have never had a relationship before them.

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